Skip to main content

Other Atrocious Lies

OK I randomly picked up a book at the library this week and am about 50 pages into it. I know I haven't finished it, but just had to write because so far it is one of the funniest books I have ever read. It is called I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl by Laurie Notaro. I was in bed reading last night and laughing out loud, DLS asked what was so funny and I read a few pages from the chapter "Pain in the Assisi" to him. I was laughing so hard he couldn't understand what I was saying and proceeded to fall asleep, typical.

So far I am loving Notaro's interactions with her mother who is obsessed with QVC. The author and her sister are amazed by the amount of crap their mother manages to purchase from the shopping channel. The siblings call it "This is Your Brain on QVC" rather than "This is Your Brain on Drugs" to their mother it is the same difference. Here is one of the funniest exchanges thus far between the author and her mother:

On the last scouting expedition of This Is Your Brain on QVC, my sister and I discovered these delicious-smelling muffins, which is what they looked like, but on closer inspection it was discovered that these were no muffins at all. They were candles. Muffin candles. I mean, they smelled like muffins, they looked like muffins, but eating them would have been like eating a Glade Solid or a stick of Mennen. So I was forced to ask her what they were, and she looked at me like I was stupid. "They're muffin candles, " she said much like she would say, "This is a candle. And this is a muffin." Separately, they're fine, I was dying to tell her, it's together that they are a problem.

So I said, "Well, why don't you burn them?"
And she said, "Because they're not for burning. Burning would melt them."
So I said, "Well, what are they for then?"
And she said, "To look like muffins."
So I said, "Then why don't you just get some muffins?"
And she said, "What, are you an idiot? You just can't leave muffins on the counter day in and day out without people thinking you live like an animal! I don't want people running around town, saying that I keep the same old muffins on the counter!"

Comments

Karen said…
Keep 'em coming! I'm 40 pages into "Joe" and loving it.
Susan said…
Oh good. I am so glad you like it.
Anonymous said…
I want that book, right after you loan me the next Outlander book. (do I sound like a six-year-old?)

Have you read "Eat, Pray, Love" yet? Also fabulous. Lots of snorting and head shaking ("am I as crazy as the author?") I just loaned it to a full-time friend, so I'll pass it your way when she's done.

Happiness!
Luci

Popular posts from this blog

I am usually an open book...

however have made the decision to have The Schmidt House be invite only, you are the ones that I want to share our lives with - if there is someone that I have omitted by mistake, please let me know. Think that there are some family members that I do not have email addresses for, so will need to track those down. I have found that I have been a little blog "stuck" for the last few months knowing that there were a lot of people who read my site and I became a little self conscious about what I was writing as to not offend anyone - not like I go out of my way to offend, but after awhile you realize that there are some pretty sensitive folks out there. I know it takes all kinds for the world to go around, however I don't want to have to worry about it when I am here. So now I feel a little more free to speak my mind which you all know has never been a problem, but now I feel I am among friends. Thanks for sharing this little adventure with the Schmidts...

Pleased as punch

We got our new vacuum cleaner last night. The home office was kind enough to pick one up along with our PF Chang's takeout. Take out Chinese on Valentine's is a tradition. Anyhoo, as you can see from the photo we basically sucked up an entire Pomeranian in our upstairs family room. I don't know if I should be embarrassed or pleased. I mean we just vacuumed on Monday with the Hoover and I knew it wasn't picking up everything, but this is ridiculous. The home office was so impressed with the Animal he went downstairs and vacuumed up another canine in the family room down there. I am still trying to figure out all of the gadgets on the machine. I seriously cannot figure out how to attach the stair cleaner. It is really funky how the thing is put together, efficient, but funky. I also for the life of me cannot figure out the directions. I dislike how all European companies, Dyson (UK), IKEA (Sweden) just show you pictures. I always thought I was a visual person, but I am b...

Hiatus no more

I don't know what it is about January, but 'round about January 15th I go into a complete and utter funk - hence no blogging. It is as if I need to cocoon for a bit, metamorphosize, and re-enter the world in February. This year has been especially bad due to our chaotic schedules with the kids, plus I have been working almost 60 hours per week as it is budget time and we are determining what exactly does "hunkering down" look like. Don't worry, work is still fun, challenging might be a better word. I truly love my new job, actually it was a promotion - didn't officially know until this week, so that jump starts the old engine as well. Other than that I have also realized in the last week my body is really, really mad at me. Things are just not working as they should and finally made the decision to go see the doctor who helped with the torn ligament a few years ago. Bottom line, just haven't been taking care of myself and he cracked me around a bit so can ...