Skip to main content

Other Atrocious Lies

OK I randomly picked up a book at the library this week and am about 50 pages into it. I know I haven't finished it, but just had to write because so far it is one of the funniest books I have ever read. It is called I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl by Laurie Notaro. I was in bed reading last night and laughing out loud, DLS asked what was so funny and I read a few pages from the chapter "Pain in the Assisi" to him. I was laughing so hard he couldn't understand what I was saying and proceeded to fall asleep, typical.

So far I am loving Notaro's interactions with her mother who is obsessed with QVC. The author and her sister are amazed by the amount of crap their mother manages to purchase from the shopping channel. The siblings call it "This is Your Brain on QVC" rather than "This is Your Brain on Drugs" to their mother it is the same difference. Here is one of the funniest exchanges thus far between the author and her mother:

On the last scouting expedition of This Is Your Brain on QVC, my sister and I discovered these delicious-smelling muffins, which is what they looked like, but on closer inspection it was discovered that these were no muffins at all. They were candles. Muffin candles. I mean, they smelled like muffins, they looked like muffins, but eating them would have been like eating a Glade Solid or a stick of Mennen. So I was forced to ask her what they were, and she looked at me like I was stupid. "They're muffin candles, " she said much like she would say, "This is a candle. And this is a muffin." Separately, they're fine, I was dying to tell her, it's together that they are a problem.

So I said, "Well, why don't you burn them?"
And she said, "Because they're not for burning. Burning would melt them."
So I said, "Well, what are they for then?"
And she said, "To look like muffins."
So I said, "Then why don't you just get some muffins?"
And she said, "What, are you an idiot? You just can't leave muffins on the counter day in and day out without people thinking you live like an animal! I don't want people running around town, saying that I keep the same old muffins on the counter!"

Comments

Karen said…
Keep 'em coming! I'm 40 pages into "Joe" and loving it.
Susan said…
Oh good. I am so glad you like it.
Anonymous said…
I want that book, right after you loan me the next Outlander book. (do I sound like a six-year-old?)

Have you read "Eat, Pray, Love" yet? Also fabulous. Lots of snorting and head shaking ("am I as crazy as the author?") I just loaned it to a full-time friend, so I'll pass it your way when she's done.

Happiness!
Luci

Popular posts from this blog

Six weeks

I am sidelined for at least six weeks. No tennis - no good. My bad wheel turned into immobile wheel today thanks to an air cast. Not the most attractive accessory. I had been trying to continue playing with the plantar fasciitis guess I figured it was going to be around for awhile so might as well deal with it. This plan actually worked out for the best because when I was playing on Thursday there was this loud pop in the bottom of my foot. Suddenly my heel felt better, so I thought, "Maybe it released all of the bad heel juju into the rest of my foot." Well, it was something like that. Evidently I tore a ligament in my foot which the doctor told me is really the best thing that could have happened. The reason why is it cured the plantar fasciitis. Plus the recovery time for the ligament thing is about six weeks versus potentially months or years with the other. So all in all I guess it was a good thing to tear a ligament. I am bummed because I can't do any exercise for t...

Gainfully employed

I heard back last night from Cargill , I start back into the world of the gainfully employed as an independent contractor on October 8 th . My old client, who will now be my new client, Jeff wrote: I'm thrilled we get to work together again. This is the most important project our business unit has taken on in a lot of years so I feel a lot better knowing you're going to be part of it. OK now I'm nervous. Eeek - the most important project? Whoa, better bring the A game, but you know I am excited - scared - but am ready to go. I have so much to do before the 8 th , gotta get the list together to make the most of my kid free week (now that litte man is at daycare in the a.m.). Let's see: 1) Paint basement. 2) Purge house of clutter - how can we accumulate this much crap? 3) Goodwill and library drop off - Maple Grove Library is taking donations until Oct. 6 th !!! 4) Get the yard ready for winter - should I plant more bulbs? 5) Put basement back together - IKEA run ma...

Tightrope walking on a string

This has been one of "those" weeks where I often find myself scared to slow down and assess the situation because when I do I start to get this really tight feeling in my chest and I feel nauseous. Does anyone else get that? When life is going mach 10 with your hair on fire...and if you stop you just might fall right over from that string you are balancing everything on... I am going to bed.